she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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