I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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