i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
