You're my little dorito
love makes seman taste better
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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