I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.