the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im part way to drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize