btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
