Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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