god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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