I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
