Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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