literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
