okay pat passed out under dana's car
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
