let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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