how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
