The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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