not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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