i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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