Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
