i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The beer is more important than you right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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