The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
