fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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