I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
