The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
