the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
