You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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