Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
