yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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