dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
