today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
