You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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