did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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