I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
