youre lurking in front of me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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