I am puke
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
