Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
