I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
