he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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