____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
