I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
