Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
