So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
