I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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