Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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