Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish i was in the wii world.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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