Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
