I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also, beer. Big fan.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
