He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
