I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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