So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
