she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize