it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
