Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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