i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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