Got a toothbrush?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
