i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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