Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
