I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
