sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
