I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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