Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
