Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
