Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
